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INSOMNIA 3

Insomnia III

     So what of all this, is it just ramblings from someone that can't quiet his mind. Is it crazy babbling from a guy whose indigestion, from eating to much cheesy bread, is making him restless.
     Perhaps its a sort of therapy for something that can't be explained away or forgotten. In the sharing of things that keep us up at night, maybe some of the burden is lifted.
     So what can this vague story really mean. Maybe its about the consequences of actions, and how many people your choices can impact. It could be about the cycle of abuse and how we need to break it before it kills us and innocents caught in the crossfire become collateral damage.
     Might even be a story about fake news, and pushing an agendas to make people feel safe and have confidence in those entrusted with their safety. Could be a story about a conspiracy to hide the truth in murky waters and the heaping of undeserved acclaim on supposed heroes that let his happen when they ignored th…
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INSOMNIA 2

Insomnia II

     So now as I write on what should be used for my dream pad, I am still left to wonder why. Then I remember what the voices of the children said. They said she hadn't slept for days. I remember her voice said she needed to leave them with someone there so they would be safe. I remember I was told she wanted to harm herself, and not anyone else. I recollect of hearing about her husband abusing her. Still even now, confused about what I heard and from who, and I'm not sure whats real.
     In the midst of thinking of a tragedy averted, all those years ago, I am still left wondering now of the truth of it all. I can't sleep because my mind is racing, triggering raw emotion, and in the end there will still be no answer.
     Right after it happened there was secrecy and innuendo, the spin zone was in full effect. Even I spun something in my mind to stay sane, and make everything all right. Had to keep going, pushing forward, moving on up,on to the next one. A w…

INSOMNIA 1

Sometimes you forget things from your past and how much they affected you. Then one night you can't sleep because that memory lingers and plays in your mind. So here is the first of three post about an incident in my past. Its personal reflections that are told in an intentionally vague way to keep me out of trouble on the Internet. Some will know details of the story from private conversations, but no one has probably heard me express the impact it has had on me. So here is part one.


     INSOMNIA I 
     It was an ordinary day. I thought I was finished, another job well done, lets hit the showers, drinks on me. Then out of nowhere it almost hit me, she almost hit me, literally. Seconds moved at the speed of light. Thoughts were had, decisions made, blink of an eye and it was over. I could have died, she could have killed, she could have died, I could have killed. She could have killed the bystanders around me, I could have killed the innocents with her. Something more than me …

More of HIM and less of ME

So I was thinking about some things and people in my life, and how I am perceived and perceive myself. I spend a lot of time alone so it gives me a chance to reflect on who I am, and who people think I am. The longer I live the more I see just how easy it is to only think of myself and my own desires. Perhaps much of my life has been lived doing just that. So when people think or maybe I start to think that I'm a great person, I have to take a step back and reflect. In my reflection this prose of sorts came into my mind.

     You should be glad that its not ME. You see ME is very concerned about growing his finances, and they don't grow when you give money away. If it were up to ME then anyone that asked for money would be laughed at and mocked for thinking I would work hard so they could get it for nothing. ME would never give money to people anyway since they probably won't even appreciate it. 
     You should be thankful that its not ME. You see ME is concerned about his…

Bad Time To Be A Man

So I have been hearing that this is a bad time to be a man. Accusations against men are ruining our lives and reputations. At no time in american history has it been so hard to be a man. I hear things like this and it makes me wonder what people know of history. So I wanted to share a brief summary of a few moments in our history, to hopefully give people a little perspective.


                                                        January 1923 Rosewood, FL
     People from the neighboring town of Sumner as well as others who came from the region, came to Rosewood to help local law enforcement. They were drawn to the area to help with the hunt for a man that was accused of assualting a woman in Sumner. The local police tried to maintain order, but in the end surrendered to mob justice. Events spiraled out of control and the town was razed.


                                                        May 1921 Tulsa, OK
     A local shoeshiner was accused of assaulting an elevator operator.…

FENCE JUMPING

When I was a child it was not uncommon for me and my brothers to jump the fence over to the neighbors or vice versa, so we could all play together. As kids it was actually fun to jump fences instead of walking around or using a gate. Later in life I lived beside my aunt and uncle, and I might jump the fence, or use the gate, in the back yard to play with the dog next door. Love you and miss you April!
     So you can put fences up, and they can also be up when you get there. They serve a purpose to keep some things out and sometimes to keep things in. Yet when you are welcome its just a barrier to climb over or a gate to go through. That is of course if you are welcome. Those not welcome are trespassing when they go past that barrier.
     Now in my life I have been invited to jump the fence over to other yards many times. Some people even open the gate for me. For many it is a unique experience to have me in their yard. Before your mind only heads down that one road, I am a unique …

Wisdom From My Grandfather

My grandfather died when I was six years old, so I didn't get to know him for very long. He has lived on with the life lessons he taught my mother. She recently shared one of them with me. She told me something he shared with her when she was growing up. He told her that her and her sisters were all pretty girls and smart as well. Men/boys would be after them, but they shouldn't just put up with or accept one that didn't treat them right.
     So with that said I want to briefly talk about something that I think is important, especially for women, and that is self-esteem. I have been close to many women throughout my life, whether as friends, family, or relationships, and something I have come to recognize is that I have known way too many that have low self-esteem.
     First off let me share something I heard a comedian say, self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, other people really can't change that unless you let them. To all the women out there, please know t…